Anachronismo!

It’s just Max and Noel today, since Jackie is off at an improv festival in Vermont, so brace yourself for a whole bunch of historical shitposting. First, Noel gets into how the Dutch defended themselves against the Spanish invasion at the beginning of the 80 years war, by employing their one natural hazard – being well below sea level. That’s right, they flooded their country in order to save it. And that was just to start!

Then, Max gets into the origin of the Bavarian festival of beers, the classic Oktoberfest! What was it that kicked off Oktoberfest? A harvest festival? An ancient war? Some sort of religious event? NO! None of those! You guessed wrong all three times. Oktoberfest started out as a celebration of a royal wedding, and a massively attended horse race. How it got from there to what we see today? Tune in and find out!

Talking points include: spinning is the deadliest form of movement, Dutch Spider-men, Brookly alphabet, horse wacky races.

So this episode’s normally scheduled recording fell on the 4th of July, and since we were all attending the same bbq, we decided to interview our history nerd friends there about whatever story about America they wanted to share. What we failed to take into account was that everyone had been drinking. What we ended up with is four stories, two of which are historical, and one of which is shouted over with very stupid jokes. Our thanks to LJ for her story about childhood projects on America, Serpico for the tale of the Lusitania (also for being the most coherent), Noel for talking about marinara on fried dough, and our apologies to Scott for ruining his story about Amelia Airhardt. Sorry scott!
Happy fourth of July everybody.

Today our friend Micheal E fills in for Noel as they bring us the tale of Hussaria, the nation-state that controlled European roads, and it’s great debate about what should be it’s official state religion. Hussaria was caught between larger powers trying to invade, and it sought help through the system of religious alliance available to it. The only problem was, whatever it chose, someone was going to be pissed off. So what did they do? Tune in and find out!
Then, we travel to the heart of the Mongolian empire, to marvel at the Silver Tree of Karakorum, a work of art that also got you drunk, in the court of the great Khan.

Today’s episode has our first LISTENER SUBMITTED STORY! Sent in by Brother Trebius on twitter,

On today’s episode Noel is finally back! He brings us a story from his travels about how whiskey used to be cut with all sorts of stuff back before regulations got passed down. What kind of stuff you ask? How do you like tobacco, ethanol, and rat poison in your whiskey? No? But it gives it that smoky flavor without all the waiting for it to mature! Are you really that snooty? Dang. Anyway, for people like you, eventually we got to the idea of bottling in bond, having regulated factories and tamper-proof seals so little babies wouldn’t poison themselves any more wah wah wah.

Then, Jackie tells us about Alvar Cabeza de Vaca, a Spanish explorer of North America who went out on what was supposed to be an easy trip with a fleet of ships and met misfortune after misfortune, losing more of his comrades every time. Hurricanes basically tracked this guy down. Eventually he ended up as one of four survivors wandering through Texas, and ended up being one of the only people to write about the Native American cultures of the time (which he helped to destroy with diseases, but not on purpose?) Learn about his terrible life with us!

This episode, our friend Amancio Lopes joins us again to talk about Elizabeth Bathory! Elizabeth was a Hungarian noblewoman with a troubled past who, depending on who you believe, killed over 600 people or as few as 30. Which is still A LOT OF MURDER. Maybe she was troubled by the violence she saw in her youth as she was forced to watch the execution of a burglar. Perhaps what troubled her was the execution of one of her lovers, as he was torn apart by wild dogs. Whatever the reason, she bathed in people’s blood and ended her days walled into tiny room as punishment. Real awful stuff.

But cheer up, because after that we’re talking about project A119 also known as when the US was planning to NUKE THE MOON! For science! For morale! For explosions! And this wasn’t just some fringe group working on it either! NASA and DARPA were on board, and a team of crack scientists (including one of Max’s heroes) worked on modeling and planning the whole thing. So why didn’t we NUKE THE MOON? Tune in and find out!

Today we’re talking about legendary lawman Bass Reeves and legendary highwaywoman Katherine Ferrers. Which we swear we didn’t plan.

It’s Black History Month so today we’re talking about two black men who made their mark on history. First, we talk about Le Chevalier de Saint Georges aka Joseph Bologne, a french composer, duelist and war hero. Born the son of a slave and a nobleman, Joseph quickly made a name for himself in Parisian society, first as a duelist, then for his brilliant violin concertos, then as the leader of the all-black volunteer legion in the Napoleonic Wars that came to bear his name. Along the way he had to deal with racism, politicking, and the strictures of French society.
Then, we talk about Stephen Bishop, mapper of one of the largest cave systems in the world! Joseph was a self-taught multilingual geologist, a guide in the Mammoth Cave system in the early 1800s.

We talk the Glass Delusion and about an expedition that the US almost backed to the CENTER OF THE EARTH today.
The Glass Delusion was a mental illness from the 1400s-1800s where the sufferer believed themselves to be made out of glass, liable to shatter at the slightest touch. King Charles III was the firstt recorded sufferer, but it struck down many scholars and nobles. Some dudes thought it just affected their butt and walked around with pillows tied to their pants. This is real history. We talk about how some doctors tried to cure them (traumatically) and about various notables who suffered from this. We also get off on a huge tangent about wizards shitting their pants. But it ties in, we swear.
Then, we talk about the expedition that President John Quincy Adams supported that was supposed to explore the hollow earth. That’s right, Jules Verne wrote NONFICTION. But for real, this dude John Cleves Symmes Jr believed the earth to be hollow and full of other, smaller earths, and he proposed an expedition to the north pole to find the opening hole so that he could explore it. Somehow, he got the attention of President JQA and the US came this close to sending men up to die in the cold on this.

This episode we talk about John Murray Spear, an abolitionist, pacifist, prison reformer and also the preacher who tried to build a robot jesus. What do you mean, burying the lede? The dude lived an excellent life for justice and deserves to be remembered as more than a man who created a giant automaton out of a dining room table and various machinery in order to usher in a new golden age. He had a rich, giving life that included more than a ritual birthing process for what he called the New Motive Power, which he believed would then go on to create more robots to improve humanity. Jeez, you’re fixated.
Then we get into Annie Londonderry and a feminist history of bicycles with guest host LJ! Annie was the first woman to bike around the world, which she did to prove wrong a gross aristocrat who said a woman could never do so. She made her way with gumption and ingenuity, and also a cool bicycle.

There’s a content warning on this episode – both of the stories this week go to some very dark places.
This week we talk about the mutiny of the company ship Batavia. This Dutch East India Corporation trading boat underwent a mutiny, a shipwreck, a lord of the flies situation and a daring seige all in the course of a month. It’s a wild story filled with villains and one hero, but it is incredibly bloody and messed up, so be prepared.
Then it’s time to talk about Queen Ranavalona of Madagascar. This woman seized and held power in order to keep Madagassy traditions alive, but the way that she held that power is… stomach churning to say the least. That said, the histories were written by her enemies, so take them with a big ol’ bowl of salt.
Also, Max spends a lot of this episode laughing at his own poop joke. We think it’s poop madness

The gang is back together! We start with the story of John Batman, co-founder of Melbourne, capturer of cannibals, and genocidal asshole. This dude may share a name with the iconic superhero, but the stuff he did was in no way heroic (except capturing a known cannibal, we’ll give him props for that). An important figure in Australian colonial history, Batman stole, tricked and murdered away a lot of land from the Aboriginal people that lived there, and has a statue in downtown Melbourne today. Good job, history 🙁

Then, it’s onto the most controversial figure in modern dentistry, one Edgar “Painless” Parker. Parker was a dentist at the turn of the century that struggled to find patients until he turned to SHOWMANSHIP. Over the course of his life, he started a travelling dental circus, pulled the teeth of a hippo, and traveled through the US helping people smile. Depending on where you stand in the dental establishment, he was a hero that brough people affordable dentistry and educated them on tooth care, or a huckster who tricked people into expensive dental work and brought the profession down. Either way, he was a character and a half, and we love him.

On our first episode as part of the Make Fun Network, we’re joined by Marc Campasano, a very funny man and actual historian! He tells us all about the insanity around American voting from before voting was anonymous. People used to expect you to not only announce our vote, but to take whatever ballot a voting club BRIBED you to take and stuff as many of them in the voting box as possible, with various elaborate and loud designs to make sure you held up your end of the bargain. Crazy right? Well it only gets weirder from there, trust us.

Then, Noel tells us all about the First Barbary War and how US merchants kept getting captured by pirates for over a decade, just over and over again back between the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812. The US had to set up a special budget to ransom them, and by the time they got home they were in NO MOOD to go back.

Also this episode! We read our first piece of Anachronismo fanfiction, and frankly it cuts waaay too close to home.

Join us and guest host Bibek as we learn about some of our most recent history yet with the stories of Steve Bradbury and Margaret Knight.

First, Bibek regales us with the tale of how the phrase “do a Bradbury” came to be. It involves Australian speed-skating, terrible collisions and at least one frozen sausage sponsorship.

Then we dive into the life of Margaret Knight! An irrepressible inventor, she made her first patent at the age of 12, then kept on inventing! You’ve probably used some of the things that poured out of her workshop in the last week. Alas, there were times when people tried to steal the fruits of her labors, but she wouldn’t let that stop her either.

Nakahama Manjiro was a fisherman who became a samurai after being shipwrecked, rescued, adopted, hired onto a whaling crew, elected as first mate, finding gold, sailing a steamship, building a whaling boat, being imprisoned, and reuniting with his mother. And his story doesn’t end there! He taught English to Japanese nobles, translated systems of navigation, brokered treaties and so much more, all while delivering some

This week we’re talking about the U.S. Camel Corps. Back before the Civil War, several US Senators thought it would be a great idea to bring in a bunch of camels as pack animals to help settle the west.

This episode we talk about two old-timey religions that you might not have heard of! First up we talk about James Strang and his Strangites.

We’re back!

Have you ever looked at a match and been like “wow! I bet there’s a long road that this went down to be so useful!” OF COURSE YOU HAVE. Well now you can learn! From ancient Chinese fire sticks to matchgirl strikes over phossy jaw, we have it all! Plus, just so many fun names for matchstick brands.

Then! Jackie tells us the tragic tale of Typhoid Mary. Think you already know it? Think again! Her life was pretty terrible – exiled to an island, chased by police for a disease she didn’t know she carried, all sorts of bad stuff happened to this humble cook. Plus, she wasn’t even the worst carrier of the disease! It’s enough to make you hopping mad.

Talking points include: fiery porcupines, melting jaws, evil peaches, clam corruption, pet pirates and more.

This episode we talk about Charles Hatfield, the famous American rainmaker at large, known for climbing up a ladder to burn chemicals so as to ANGER THE SKY enough to make it rain. That’s my interpretation and I’m sticking to it.

It’s another Max and Kate mini-episode! Do you know the farthest north the Confederacy attacked? Go on, guess. Did you guess Vermont? Coming over the border from Canada? To rob banks? While drunk? You did? Dang, that’s a heck of a guess. Well, I guess there’s no point now in telling you about how they attacked on butter day or why they used GREEK FIRE of all things to cover their tracks. Definitely no point telling you about the hijinks that ensued when they were tricked in multiple ways by multiple different bank tellers. But maybe you would want to listen to this episode anyway because after that we’re onto the Old Price Riots!

Way back in early 1800s England, people took theatre seriously. They took it so seriously that when the Covent Garden theatre raised their prices, they RIOTED over it. People invaded the theatre to get the old prices back (see? there’s the name of the riot, like in a movie. Don’t you love it when they do that in movies?) and stayed there for two months all in the name of cheaper tickets! And the plays kept going on while these people rioted because actors are hardcore. Oh, and how do you think these riots ended? Are you guessing through outlasting the scientific boxer, Daniel Mendoza, who was sent in to crack heads? You were? UGH YOU’RE SO GOOD AT GUESSING.

Finally, we debut our Historical Dogs segment and talk about Vivant Denon- the French savant in Napoleon’s army- and how he had a terrible experience with packs of wild, determined, muscular dogs.

Civil War Bank Robbery at 1:52
Old Price Riots at 23:30
Historical Dogs at 39:20

Guest host Chloe Zwaicher joins us to talk about the Dancing Plague of 1518. But first, we learn spooky secrets about the first subway, built by Alfred Eli Beech that had to be kept from the nefarious Boss Tweed. Finally, Noel tells us all about Charles Domery, the hungriest man in history. You might be saying, “How is that notable, plenty of people are hungry, what, was he in a famine or something? LAME.” Well you’re wrong, hypothetical person! NO ONE IS THIS HUNGRY. We think he might have been a real dang demon. Anyway, judge for yourself!

Secret Subway at 4:06
Dancing Plague at 26:34
Hungriest Man at 43:40

It’s our first live show! At the democracy center, live in front of 50 strangers, we talk about the weird, smelly origins of Lapsang Souchong and about how the North American European Starling were imported to the states and immediately got out of hand.

A million thanks to Improv History and the Democracry Center

This week, we talk about Simeon Stylites, the 5th century monk who lived on top of a pillar, about the United States’ weird forays into entomological warfare with hundreds of thousands of mosquitoes and fleas dropped via airplane, and about Carrie A Nation, the infamous prohibitionist who would smash up bars with a hatchet.

Talking points include: holy poops, cheeks full of medals, tornado arrest
Simeon Stylites at 1:08, Bug Warfare at 21:55,

In this episode, we talk about the apocryphal sausage duel of Otto Von Bismark, the incredibly violent precursor to soccer known as the Florentine Kick-Game, and about the Flying Santas that brought Christmas to children who live in lighthouses. This week’s what if they met: Santa Blood Sport

Sausage Duel at 2:07
Florentine Kick-Game – 24:09
Lighthouse Santas – 47:28

This week, we talk about how the US Government poisoned alcohol during prohibition to discourage drinking, about how a unit of actors and set designers called the Ghost Army pulled the wool over the Nazis eyes in WWII, and about how the Golden Horde of the Mongols used plague-ridden corpses to beseige the city of Caffa in 1356!

Prohibition at 1:00, Ghost army at 26:36, Plague Catapult at 40:06

Welcome back! This is part 2 of episode 15, featuring special Guest Matthew Lewis of the Heretical Historians talking about the crazier parts of the Bolshevik Revolution and Max talking about the incredibly sad Children’s Crusades.

We had to split this week’s episode into two parts to get it up. This is part one, where we introduce ourselves and talk about Lady Ching Shih, one of history’s most successful pirates. Joining us this week is Matt Lewis from Heretical Historians, who will be talking about the Bolshevik Revolution after the break.

In this episode, we talk about the practice of putting animals on trial in the Middle Ages, how Holland came to need dikes and sluices to keep from flooding, and how chewing gum came to the United States (hint: our old pal Santa Ana is involved). Plus, we debut a new segment on historical clothing!

Animal Trials: 1:43, Sinking Holland – 21:12, Gum History : 32:51, Historical Clothing: 49:22, What if they Met: 57:15

We have 3 spooooooky guest hosts this week! Emily, Lauren and Britt used to work at the Salem Witch Museum and they have a ton of stories about the trials to share with you. Max is also there – apparently someone left chips in the studio AGAIN.

Join us for tales of Tituba the persecuted nanny, Puritan children having (evil) fun, Giles “More Weight” Corey, Coffin Cells, and the spooky town of Danvers, MA.

The gang is back together! This episode, we talk about how Robert Fortune stole tea plants from China for the East India Trading Company, how a secret nuclear bunker constructed for the US government made no sense, and about Horace Coal’s strange, specific pranks.

Robert Fortune’s Tea Theft at 1:05
Greek Island Project at 30:45
The Dreadnaught Hoax/Horace Coal at 51:40

FACT CHECK: We went back and checked, and everything that Max thought was execution-worthy was INDEED punished by death. Thanks, History.
Also, the man we refer to as Josh Garabaldi was in fact named William Jameson and the man we called Wright was name Hugh Falconer.
Furthermore, Fortune sent home 13,000 plants in his first year, only 1,00 of which made it and only 70 of those survived the irrigation.
For more on this story, we recommend reading For All the Tea in China by Sarah Rose.

Max was on vacation this week, so instead of our usual format, we bring you an interview he did with Brice Stratford of Owle Schreame and The Unseen Hour on the history of the lost theatrical form called The Droll.

Brice takes us through the history of an almost lost form of theatre from the time of Cromwell, when fun was outlawed. Join us to learn about the unbroken thread of British comedy, from Shakespeare to today, and about the weird and wild circumstances around the droll.

Along the way we explore women’s agency in theatre, talk about how comedy reflects its times, and

This week, we talk about how the catacombs of Paris came to be filled with HUMAN SKELETONS, the life and fortean times of Charles Fort: chronicler of the weird, and the very special story of Bamse, a dog in the Norwegian Navy that became… a hero. (The last one is possibly the cutest story we’ve ever covered.

Talking points include: bring your skeleton to work day, spider-fort: protector of the skies, incredibly long dog

This week we talk about Angel Glow at Shiloh, the doomed Shackleton expedition to the Arctic, and the Riots at the Stravinsky’s the Rites of Spring
Talking points include: vampire glow sticks, sleepy winston churchill impersonations, mosquito names, penguin duels

Join us and our guest host Kate for the stories of General Santa Ana’s legs; a brief history of War Elephants, and the Strike of Bread and Roses.

Talking points include: All left dogs, Pastry wars, Leg parades, Archie Talk, Sexy Tuberculosis Teens, Zack Snyder Baby Warriors, The ballad of Ab Pig, Spooky Elephant Nixon Masks, Cool Elephant Pranks.